Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all...

a meme!

2009-07-16T23:02:55Z

The disk is a widget, one of those undistinguished yet indispensable objects without which elevators will not rise or refrigerators will not cool; but there are no marks on it, no holes or grooves to indicate that it fits inside a machine.

Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
• Turn to page 56.
• Find the fifth sentence.
• Post that sentence on your livejournal. AND POST these instructions underneath it.
• Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST book.

YES.

2009-07-16T08:08:08Z

A Magic Trick.

2009-04-28T22:24:22Z

Go to google Images.

Search for "Flattened earth."

Click on the first image listed.

Click on "View Full size image."

Press F5.

And enjoy.

erm......

2009-04-23T19:42:18Z

What you say when you nearly walk into one of your friends on the CRB call centre floor:

"oh, sorry, Phil, I was Miles away."

What you are secretly thinking but have the good sense not to say when you nearly walk into one of your friends on the CRB call centre floor:

"Oh sorry Phil, I didnt really notice you there. I nearly walked into you because I was busy taking the most efficient Racing Line to the coffee machine."

...Yeah.

Hells yeah.

2009-04-02T19:59:19Z

Why are you looing at this thing?

2009-03-31T18:52:08Z

Go look at my GOOD blog.

Gundam Wing Features Satanic Imagery.

2009-03-08T21:08:13Z

and the proof is right here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJD3PHSeh8E

woo-ness!

2009-02-22T21:10:48Z

Yes, I be a married man. Bex has given the full details of the ceremony and what drama there was, so I wont bother because I'm a filthy cop-out little bastard.

what I will do is relate this video to you - whilst we were back at the hotel lat night getting ready for bed, the following advert came on. Bex immediately demanded that I come over, give her a hug and promise on the sacred nature of our wedding night that I never do an impression of it.

and a good night to all. if you want to listen to any of the radio shows, the link to the timetable is http://www.bbc.co.uk/scifiseason.

The wrestler.

2009-02-01T00:37:07Z

Touching, brilliant, beautifully made movie. Go See It.

to those of you who dont like wrestling: It isnt really about wrestling. its a character study of a man who happens to be a wrestler.

attack objective alpha. waark!

2009-01-24T11:42:22Z

How cool is THAT!

Important research!

2009-01-23T23:38:17Z

Okay, I know I dont really use this LJ anymore, but I felt I just had to share this call I took today. this is as close as I can remember it.

(boop, disclosure call, boop boop)

Me: Good afternoon, criminal records Bureau, you're speaking to Ben, is this regarding an application or an enquiry?

Woman: Its an Enquiry about and Application.

Me: Okay, unfortunately you've reached the dedicated disclosures line. I can give you the enquiry line number if you'd like?

Woman: Well, Ben, I'm working for a university, and I've got to do some Very Important Research in a school, and they've asked me to fill out a CRB check.

Me: Okay...

WOman: Well, I dont see why I shoul, I'm English!.

(...Because of course, no-one in england commits crimes. strangely enough we do actually get English Paedophiles.)

Me: Well Ma'am, it is entirely at the discretion of the school, however, it is a requirement that anyone working with young children has to complete a CRB check.

Woman: Thats absolutely preposterous! My research is very time sensitive. I'm already working in one school!

(utter bullshit, since no school would allow a random stranger to work with their kids without a CRB check. If they were, they'd be committing an offence as well.)

Woman: as I said, my research is extremely time sensitive, and need sto be done right away. how long will this nonsense take.

(since she's on the end of the phone, she cant see my smirk.)

Me: Well madam, and average CRB check has a target turnaround of four to six weeks. however it may take longer.

Woman: (damn near shouting) Thats completely unacceptable! My research will be completely ruined! Do I absolutely have to go through with this?

Me: Well Madam, its entirely up to the school in question. my best advice will be to cal, our enquiry line, they can give you more information. would you like the number?

WOman: ...Yes please.

--

I then proceeded to paw her off on the enquiries line. It didnt half make my co-workers in the nursery pod giggle when I was taking the call though. whilst I was taking the call, my voice was dead calm, but I was making all sorts of obscene gestures in the general direction of my phone turret. It made me feel good to know I ruined her day with the four-to-six weeks comment though.

so a note of advice to all - if you have to do "important Research" in a primary school (so important that you're doing it in a local school), APPLY FOR YOUR FUCKING CRB CHECK MORE THAN A WEEK BEFOREHAND, YOU DUMB FUCK.

nice.

Seth Mcfarlane is my Sovereign Lord.

2009-01-16T17:52:19Z

A Sign at the BReck Road Asda:

2008-12-27T23:38:18Z

"LOTTORAY OUT OF ORDER."

...Jesus Fucking Wept.

Belly Dance Fail.

2008-09-19T22:44:11Z

DO NOT WANT!!!!!!

2008-09-18T10:50:21Z

I dont really use this journal much anymore, but I had to post this:

It Needed Saying.

2008-07-21T10:13:41Z

a simple graph.

2008-05-25T13:45:13Z

more graph humor and song chart memes

Just Watch, and be amazed.

2008-05-16T19:53:22Z

moose_of_doom @ 2008-04-25T14:18:00

2008-04-25T13:18:35Z

KAAAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

2008-04-21T20:34:47Z

here, little mousey...

2008-04-19T23:41:44Z

well, its official. Frederick von Cheddarburg's cousin, Archduke Heinschal Edamovitch has moved in, and he's a lot bolder. I saw him on the surfaces in the kitchen. all the traps are re-primed with cheese, and laid at likely places.

Fuck.

2008-04-17T12:33:54Z

So I didnt even manage to get an interview for the jobs at FACT. fuck.

previously, On Lost...

2008-04-16T09:38:07Z

...What?

MATCH OF THE YEAR, MATCH OF THE YEAR!!!!!

2008-04-10T23:26:20Z

This clip took place at Anime North 2007 convention in the states. never before or again will you see a GENUINE LIVE ACTION MATCH of Elmo vs Vegeta. Even the anime fans can get behind this one! and never again will you see Elmo do a Canadian destroyer!

Bex insisted I post this one.

2008-04-01T17:15:14Z

Benjamin Ernest Myatt and Rebecca Heslop would like to announce the date of their wedding as the twenty first of February, two-thousand and nine.

yes, that warranted spelling the numbers!